Back from vacation
I’m back at work from a week long vacation. I’m not really back though. My mind is still thirty miles to the northwest in St. Peters at the Butler Boarding House.
Whenever people at work hear that you’re taking a vacation they always seem to ask, “Where are you going?” I don’t really have the luxury to take those kind of vacations – not yet as least. But how relaxing are those vacations anyway? All the driving (or flying), staying in hotels, eating at weird places… I don’t know. There’s a lot of stress involved with leaving your house, your place of comfort.
I think I’ve just become very, very comfortable at home. It’s no secret that we’ve had a ton of people live with us and I’ve learned some techniques for living with a diverse group of people over the years (#1 make sure YOU’RE the homeowner) . The one thing I’ve always striven for was to make the house, the physical house as well as the “household,” a safe place. I wanted to ensue that when you walked through the doors you could relaxed because you knew that you had sanctuary.
So I stayed home for my vacation. It wasn’t boring, though. I went to see Body Worlds 3, baked some bread, bottled some beer, washed all my laundry (well almost all of it), finished watching Cowboy Bebop (pretty good, but not as good as Trigun) and Paranoia Agent (in a class by itself), played some Portal, some Team Fortress 2, some Guitar Hero 3, read some stuff, went to a bonfire (got a blister) and a hayride, did about a thousand loads of dishes, worked on my wall puzzle and sort of slept in for a few days, if you can call 7 a.m. sleeping in. I was so relaxed and at ease. My wife was at ease. My children, also at ease. My roommates, well, I’m sure my presence wasn’t a huge deterrent from their normal activities.
This last week off was the first time I’ve ever been able to take five consecutive paid vacation days in my adult life. This is also the first time I’ve enjoyed staying home and doing housework. I think I was more productive in total work done this last week than my last month at work, including today.
It’s not normal that you have outlook changing weeks, but I can honestly say that I want to stay home and slack for the rest of my life. Not stay home and be lazy, but slack, that creamy smooth aspect to life that I find myself craving more and more. I get more done during slacking than I do in preparation for slacking.
I think my job is pretty meaningless right now. We’re not really doing anything to affect the bottom line so no one takes us seriously – even though we’re near the top of the corporate hierarchy. I’m losing confidence that I should be pushing for a raise – not that I’m going to stop pushing, just that I’m not sure I actually deserve one. Maybe someone with my skills really can’t go much farther than I am now. If that’s the case, you know what? I’m okay with that! Mostly.
It’s not about money at this point, it’s about meaning. I’m fighting an uphill battle with people who have no desire to leave a lasting mark. I want whatever I do to last. If not forever then at least for a long time. What I do at work doesn’t matter. So what’s the point? Right now I’m just here to draw a salary so I can get out of debt and support my family. Worthy goals, don’t get me wrong, but I can do so much more.
One year from now we will see how things are shaping up. Alice will be graduating, Andrew will be in regular school, not preschool, and I will (hopefully) be making more money. We’re living comfortably off a single income now so the addition of another full time salary has caused no small amount of speculation regarding its use. So in a year, I will have the freedom to choose where I work and not be tied to a specific place. Maybe I will finally figure out how to work from home. Maybe I can start a brewpub or a restaurant or a papercraft store. Who knows. But if I can stay home and slack and clean my house and bake fresh bread daily then I will be living the honest to God American dream.
Wish me luck.