jasonbutler42

Everyone has been talking about the “Quake of ’08″ so I won’t rehash my personal details of waking up in the early morning hours. But what’s been on my mind has been summed up by Bill McClellen in a fictional account from the future. I’ve been worried that the New Madrid fault would be jostled loose by the quake from the Wabash valley fault and we’re not far away from another tremendous quake like the one in 1812 that changed the course of the Mississippi river. I’ve been trying not to fear working on the 9th floor of a building in an area chock full of dense bedrock (apparently the looser ground in California makes the quakes there appear less potent). Unlike my previous obsession with pandemic flu and disaster preparedness, there really isn’t anything I can do to prepare for my building to collapse.

So if this post turns out to be some prescient forecast, I want my family to know I love them all. I always have and I always will.

My sister has finally found a place to live! i mean, a place that isn’t my house! Alice is with her and her son right now at Our Lady’s Inn.

This is a huge step for my sister, and it’s exactly what she needs. Hopefully she will come out of this adventure with the life skills necessary to make it on her own (and not need to live with me any more!).

I proud of her for getting this far, and good luck to her in starting the rest of her life.

My sister is staying with me again. Two years ago when she left after staying with us for two years I experienced the happiest day of my life. I’m talking Publisher’s Clearing House excited. I didn’t know people could actually scream and yell with joy and relief, but I assure you it happens.

Now she’s back. She’s changed quite a bit in two years, but there’s still a spirit of discord that she brings with her. Normally small things are amplified and communication is difficult despite our best efforts.

I feel like I’m in prison – I just want to do my time. There’s nothing that can be done at this point other than just letting the time pass. You want to ask me how I’m doing? Sure, fine. Can you help me get out of this situation? No? Sorry, I’m just going to wait until this is over.

I wish I had some better tools to work with but I really only know how to turtle and let the timer run out on this. What makes it worse is that Alice and I are under no compulsion to let me sister stay. no one has tried guilting us into keeping her, but since no one else has stepped up to the plate – now or in the past – we get her by default. If I was heartless and less of a man, I would turn her out into the street (that day may yet come) but for now I’m in a prison of my own device.

She has until March 1 to stay with us. If she doesn’t find something by then… *sigh* …I can’t be held responsible for letting her go.

Meanwhile, brewing is going strong. I need to take a weekend and visit Mike Sweeney of www.stlhops.com. He was gracious enough to let my adventurous brewing partner hangout during a weekend recently and I’m hoping I can do the same. Our Rocktoberfest didn’t turn out as we planned, but there is still great hope for the as yet unnamed Irish Stout – both of which have been bottled. The next batch will be kegged, I hope. So that’s another thing to add to my list from the previous post:

• Get a kegerator!

My weekend is horrible. My wife sucks and not the good kind.

Keeping a publicly accessible journal means that my lovely wife has a good deal of access to what I write. I’m learning to use all of the channels of communication available to me in chronicling my life / expressing myself / whining / etc. I figure this site is just another line connecting me with the people I care about.

In coaching my wife on the Jedi ways of full internet immersion I’ve begun to unleash a dual edged sword – now that she is more connected to the world, the few remaining places I can hide disappear. Not that this is a problem; I try my hardest to be as transparent with her as possible. We’ll see if I like this or not.

My sister is here tonight. She still qualifies as the person I believe in the least, but I see progress. Slow, maddening progress.

Strain in a relationship is like kneading bread. In bread, the pulling and stretching allows the gluten to form a network that makes the final product strong. A good relationship is soft inside, tough outside, and salty. So somehow those are related.

I don’t know. I’m tired. I get like that sometimes – weary, even. Now I gotta lay a smack down on my kids.

Hopefully tomorrow will be less tiring.